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her princes, her sages, her officials, and her soldiers ... her high gates ... her aid ... for her

The people of Babylon are spoken of as if they were the city itself, and the city is spoken of as if it were a woman. AT: "their princes, their sages, their officials, and their soldiers ... their high gates ... their aid ... for them" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metonymy and rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metaphor)

they will sleep in an unending sleep and never wake up

They will be dead. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 51:39. (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-euphemism)

Yahweh of hosts says this

Jeremiah often uses these words to introduce an important message from Yahweh. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 6:6.

The thick walls of Babylon will be completely demolished

This can be translated in active form. AT: "The invaders willl completely demolish the thick walls of Babylon" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)

her high gates will be burned

This can be translated in active form. AT: "they will burn her high gates" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)

everything ... will be burned up

This can be translated in active form. AT: "they will burn up everything that the nations try to do for her" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)

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